When the Ego Cries the Soul Rejoices

A Sunday Short-post

Hello beloved reader,

Many years ago, I remember hearing for the first time Rev. Dr. Stephanie Rutt say this beautiful phrase:

Stephanie is the spiritual teacher with whom I studied world religions for two years (2012-2014), and I have participated in many of the beautiful classes she has offered over the years, including classes for shamanic journeying, which is one of my all-time favorite spiritual practices.

But I want to tell a story of how this above phrase continues to ripple out through the world.

During Jamie’s and my recent travels, we were lucky enough to be able to spend time with old friends who now live in Amsterdam and who were on vacation in the States — we got to see them in Banff. She’s English, a former dancer, and now a Pilates studio owner and teacher, and he’s Dutch and spent the bulk of his career as a journalist. They have two gorgeous kids who are now 18 and nearly 16. Their first child was born when we were all friends living and working in New York City.

Twan is a public figure with a Wiki page, where you can read that he was a news anchor for many years. He worked for the Dutch news program NOVA, then for its successor, Nieuwsuur from the early 1990s until 2018. The Wiki page also notes, “In 2018 he took over the talkshow RTL Late Night from Humberto Tan after declining views; but he couldn't prevent its eventual cancellation and left after one season.”

In his book, Wandelust, published in Holland in 2020 (much to my chagrin, it has not yet been published in English) Twan wrote about this ‘crisis’ of the demise of this talkshow. I used Google Translate to get a sense of the introduction where Twan wrote about how the paparazzi would not leave him alone after the talkshow failed, and his wife suggested it may be wise to leave the country for a few days. They texted us and asked if Twan could come and visit us for a kind of ‘spiritual retreat.’ In his book he quotes the text where I replied to him:

Hi Twan, I just made our coffees and we’re sitting by the fire and yes, you are welcome for a visit to renew your soul 😉 p.s. we’re just heading into mapling time so bring some long underwear 😊 we also just had about 10” of snow and we’re having some bright and sunny days — it’s a very beautiful time of year.

When he visited, he spent a lot of time walking in the woods surrounding our home, which I believe was part of his inspiration for writing his book Wandelust. He spoke with us about how the talkshow bombed, and at one point I quoted to him Stephanie’s wisdom, “When the ego cries, the soul rejoices.”

Twan used this sentence in his book and later told me that for every single interview he has done for this book, each interviewer has always asked about this quote.

For me, this is evidence of how our human species is waking up. People are curious about how the ego can be an obstacle to the soul.

And yet.

At first we understand this on an intellectual level. How the ego can be problematic. And I’ve written about this before — I’m not saying the ego is “bad.” It’s a very useful and necessary part of our human experience. It helps us do what we need to do, and often gives us the chutzpah to do things.

But what causes suffering? When we are identified with ego.

Or for that matter, when we are identified with any aspect of our human experience. We are so much more than our physical form — whether that be a man or a woman.

The Rising of the Divine Feminine is showing all human beings, both women and especially men, how our societies have been dominated by the patriarchal perspective for too long, and this incapacity to see — or even to recognize — that there may be other perspectives, is leading to the annihilation of our planet.

Because our societies have been dominated by the patriarchy for so many thousands of years¹ men, in particular, have the most difficult time recognizing how they are identified with their own perspective. Even the idea that, “writing needs to seduce the reader,” is such a male perspective, but I don’t think this would be obvious to a male writer.

As

Glynnis MacNicol

writes in her fabulous book, I'm Mostly Here to Enjoy Myself: One Woman's Pursuit of Pleasure in Paris,

I think a lot about narrative structure. I suppose this is what happens when enough people tell you your story is not worthy of one. I have a theory about how we understand narrative: I’ve come to wonder whether our adherence to the three-act structure—setup, confrontation, resolution—is simply based on the male orgasm.

No really, think about it.

Tension, execution, release. The end.

This makes sense. Men have written most of our history. The proof is right there in the spelling. And why wouldn’t the story be based on their most primal, most desired experience?

Even if men are willing and interested, I have a sense that they may simply not be able to understand the female perspective.

And I don’t know if there is a remedy for this.

Perhaps we simply need to understand that there is a profound difference in perspectives and experience.

Glynnis MacNicol

goes on to write,

What would a story arc based on the female orgasm look like. Like waves, I imagine. Some bigger and more significant than others, some smaller and gentler, in no particular order. I don’t think it’s unrealistic to say many women experience their best orgasms at their own hands. The narrative of pleasure for women often being a solo one. The inciting incident a hand taken to oneself, the tension, the release, but then, if you know your body well enough, understand what you like and what you want, more again. Perhaps with more intensity, perhaps with less. But on it goes. The highs of varying degrees, the lows too. Neither permanent. To be enjoyed, or endured, with the knowledge that everything ends, and also everything begins. Perhaps the crisis point happens in the middle of the story. Perhaps the inciting incident is just that you liked it and you want more, and you can have more. That, in fact, we exist outside the timeline we have been strapped to.

We are obviously living through a pivotal time in human history. Men are being asked to understand that theirs is not the only perspective, not the only point-of-view. You’d think that this would be better understood by now thanks to all the women who have fought so hard for women’s rights. We recently watched again the brilliant movie, On the Basis of Sex where you get to hear at the very end of the movie Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s genius speech in court about Radical Social Change:

Judge Doyle: You're asking us to turn over nearly a century of precedent.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg: I’m asking you to set a new precedent, as courts have done before when the law is outdated.

Judge Doyle: But in those cases the courts had a clear constitutional handle. The word “woman” does not appear even once in the U.S. Constitution.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg: Nor does the world “freedom,” Your Honor.

And how can women enjoy freedom unless men have the courage and humility to listen to women and be guided by them?! And recognize that their’s is not the only perspective.

source

1. https://www.annebaring.com/a-crucial-time-of-choice/