The Paradox of 'Self': the Willingness to be Seen, and Simply Being a Conduit

Hello beloved reader,

And a warm welcome to new subscribers. Every time I receive an email telling me a new reader has subscribed, I take a moment to pause, feel gratitude, and offer a blessing. I cherish the reminder that the words I write may be landing in hearts that are open and listening, and I continue with this blessing ritual:

Honoring You as a Reader of the Rising of the Divine Feminine

Thank you for choosing to be here. And to those of you who have been walking alongside me for some time—longtime readers, thoughtful and “funenjoy”¹ commenters, kindred spirits, and the growing community we’re weaving together—please know how deeply I treasure your presence.

Today I want to share some reflections about growing into one’s ‘self’—and ask, what exactly is a ‘self’?

In a recent professional astrology reading² the astrologer said that I’m entering a new phase in life — one where I’m more willing to be seen. I sense the truth in this.

There was a time when hiding felt safer — not that I was even conscious of that. My younger self learned to stay camouflaged, quietly moving through the world without fully embodying who I am.

And here’s the paradox. In the Buddhist suttas we’re studying in our sutta study-group, there is frequent reference to the illusion of ‘self.’ Perhaps the construction of a ‘self’ is what Eckhart Tolle refers to as ego.

Ultimately Buddhist teachings on no-self point to the deep interconnectedness of all sentient beings—reminding us that we are not separate, but fundamentally interdependent, especially with Mother Earth. Indigenous wisdom has always known this. The patriarchal, colonialist mindset encouraged us to forget.

I resonate with this truth of oneness. And yet, my own spiritual journey has been one of learning to accept, love, and integrate all aspects of this “self”— my quirks and foibles, strengths and shadows, gifts and challenges — and then cultivating the courage to let this whole, integrated self be seen. To let my inner truth meet the outer world. And maybe the next step is recognizing that what I call “self” is ultimately just the vessel or conduit through which consciousness flows.

Maybe the real spiritual work lives in this dance—between the inner self and the outer world, interiority and exteriority,³ personal and universal, form and formlessness.

The metaphor of the Lotus flower has helped me immensely with this work. Longtime readers of this Substack are most likely aware of my obsession with this symbol: the lotus blossoms because of the muck, not in spite of it. This shift in perspective relieves the pressure to be “perfect.” Even though my rational mind knows perfection is a myth—try telling that to my Inner Critic.

source: stockcake.com

One spiritual principle that I return to again and again—one I believe could move us, collectively, toward peace—is this:

When a relationship feels difficult or triggering, it’s often because it reflects back an unhealed, disowned part of our ‘self’ that longs to be seen, acknowledged, and integrated.

I understand this intellectually. But embodying it? That’s where the challenge lives. It’s so much easier to say, It’s their fault. So much easier to demonize the other person, to stand at a distance and think, Oh, I would never do that.

But then I remember this wisdom from Ram Dass:

If you catch yourself judging another person add at the end, And I am that too.

Oof. That one always stops me in my tracks.

Why is it so satisfying to criticize someone who’s triggering us?

Maybe because it lets us off the hook. If the fault is theirs, if the problem is all them, then I don’t have to do the hard work of facing my own muck—my own shame, fear, anger, hatred, grief. I can just project it onto everyone else and live in the delusion that I don’t have any muck. No shadow here.

But what if we set a new intention?
What if we committed to doing the deep inner work—to explore and integrate every shadow—until we no longer react, but instead see others with eyes of compassion?

Maybe that’s a new lifetime goal for me. My soul’s next assignment.

Maybe all of it — the reactivity, judgment, projection — is just the ego doing what the ego does. “It’s like this.” And when I practice not being identified with ego, I get to experience heaven on earth.⁴

On Wednesday May 14th, I began an 8-week course with Eckhart Tolle called Creating a New Earth Together. (I’m deeply grateful for having received a scholarship.) Knowing that people all over the world are resonating with Tolle’s book A New Earth in addition to The Power of Now, lifts my heart. It makes me think maybe the human race still has a chance: to live in peace, to heal our ecological crisis and our relationship with Mother Earth, to elect leaders who will act with compassion, wisdom, and kindness.

Ecky shines the light on the fact that adversity is a great awakener. And we are, without doubt, living in times of great adversity. I have the sense that the more the adversity intensifies in the exterior world, the more opportunity human beings are been given to evolve in our interiority.

“Yes, for many people, the first awakening is: you are not your thoughts. … A New Earth can only be created by the awakened consciousness.” —Eckhart Tolle

~

As longtime readers know, just across the road from our log cabin here in Southern New Hampshire, a Thai Forest Buddhist monastery took root ten years ago. In this tradition, the late Ajahn Chah is a beloved teacher. Someone once remarked that his teachings seemed contradictory. Ajahn Chah laughed and said:

“It is as though I see people walking down a road I know well. To them the way may be unclear. I look up and see someone about to fall into a ditch on the right-hand side of the road, so I call out to him: ‘Go left, go left’. Similarly, if I see another person about to fall into a ditch on the left, I call out: ‘Go right, go right!’ That is the extent of my teaching. Whatever extreme you get caught in, whatever you get attached to, I say, ‘Let go of that too.’ Let go on the left, let go on the right. Come back to the center, and you will arrive at the true Dhamma.”

This is the kind of wisdom I want to hold close these days.
To let go on the left,
Let go on the right,
And return to center. To equanimity.

1. FUNENJOY is a word I created after being inspired by author Beth Kempton. It’s a blend of fun and joy, but with a kind of quirky irreverence that makes me smile. It’s a practice I’m cultivating—especially as an antidote to the heaviness of the world during these times. Because even as we do this deep inner work, we need levity. We need laughter. We need beauty, joy, and playfulness to keep us whole.

2. Dr. Carl Jung, Astrology, and AI

3. Interiority and Exteriority

4. This post includes the Lord’s Prayer in Aramaic, and one of the alternative translations is Become Heaven on Earth.

JOY AS AN ACT OF REBELLION