TOXIC BEHAVIOR
Sunday, February 12, 2023
Captiva Island, Florida
I’m eternally grateful for the wisdom of my sisters—both biological and metaphorical sisters. Over the duration of my life in these nearly 56 years as a human being, I’ve struggled with the quality of a deep sensitivity. I know that this characteristic of sensitivity brings both great gifts and great challenges.
One of the most significant challenges has revolved around my realization that I need to protect myself from other people’s “muck.” Again coming back to the lotus flower metaphor, and knowing that we get to blossom because of our muck and not in spite of it.
And because I’ve been so unbelievably blessed by sisters who embody great wisdom, an insight arose:
The behavior of blaming and projecting is the most toxic behavior one can engage in.
And there have been plenty of times when I’ve indulged in this behavior myself.
But when a person is not willing to do the inner work to properly contain, digest, metabolize, and dissolve their own emotions, and instead, insists on blaming and projecting their muck on to others, this is a toxic behavior. Perhaps this is the definition of toxic behavior.
Because by blaming and projecting, we create disharmony.
By properly containing, digesting, metabolizing, and dissolving our own emotions, we create harmony, which reverberates out from us, like with the ripple effect.
Again I’m so grateful for the incredible blessing to have experienced the presence of senior Buddhist monks from the neighboring monastery—in addition to the embodied presence of my own 85-year-old-mother—where simply by sitting in their sage-like presence, I cannot help but feel peace and equanimity. This unseen, scientifically unquantifiable quality is immeasurably powerful. And this power can be used to lessen one’s own suffering, in addition to easing the suffering of others.
To me, this shows the power of each of us doing our own inner work to dissolve the “pain body” as the spiritual teacher, Eckhart Tolle calls it.
I also love how Tolle talks about how each human being is a ripple on the ocean. Firstly, this ripple metaphor shows how we’re all connected—we’re all part of the “oneness” of the whole ocean. Also, by each of us doing our own inner work, we transform our own little ripple, and so we add to the transformation of the entire ocean. And, we get to embody the ripple effect 🥰
Perhaps the ripple effect is more powerful than we may ever know with our rational minds, but I have a sense that our souls understand the ripple effect.
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Today on Captiva Island we awoke to grey skies and stormy weather. Jamie and I sat on chairs in my elderly in-law’s living room, drinking coffee and looking out at the frothy white caps on large waves. I love this kind of weather. It makes me think of what the Buddhist nun, Pema Chodron says, “You are the sky, everything else is just the weather.”
There is a drama and intensity to stormy weather, and then there is the calm after the storm. I find that any kind of spiritual practice reminds me that when I’m in the midst of the stormy weather, the calm again will come. This is the cyclical nature of life. And to be able to access that calm state of being, that equanimity, whilst in the midst of a storm—this is an enormous gift for which I am eternally grateful.
May you create a space of calm, even as you endure a storm, and may you experience the great peace and harmony of that calm space of equanimity within. ✨🌟💖🙏🕊️
And the blue sky appears!