Hello beloved reader!
Iām a big fan of fellow Australian
ās writing at. One of the aspects I love most about Michaelās writing is how he shines the light on the paradoxical nature of the human condition. In his most recent post, he wrote about āthe yin and the yangā of writing on Substack:ā¦Itās been good because Iāve made connections with a bunch of kind, thoughtful, and interesting people all of whom write their own incredibly engaging and enjoyable pieces. Itās been bad because my self-doubt pushes me to compare my writing to theirs as if this is actually some sort of competition.
What Michael refers to as āself-doubtā is perhaps what I call the Inner Critic, and itās when my own Inner Critic is activated that Iām also driven to compare. And itās true: comparison is a byproduct of competition. Ego wanting to be āthe best.ā Ego thinking either, Iām superior or Iām inferior to another. Comparison leads to ranking in the hierarchy. On Substack, the areas where I can make myself feel better or worse by comparison include: the number of subscribers, how many hearts, how much engagement in the comments?
Iām reminded of that line in the movie, As Good As It Gets, where Jack Nicholsonās character Melvin is asked to look after his neighborās small dog Verdell. At one point Melvin has to leave Verdell at the vet and he tells them, āPut him in the cage with that smaller dog ā itāll be good for his confidence.ā This gets us to laugh at the human condition ā our tendency to compare and feel better, more confident, if we rank higher than another. And laughter is a dividend of forgiveness, as I explore in my article, Funny Is the New Deep. When we engage in humor, we forgive our flawed humanity.
But this begs the question: can we feel that inner confidence without comparison?
To simply know our own value?
With writing and with life, my intention is to practice mindfulness and to not unconsciously compare myself or my writing to others. There will always be other writers offering their own gifts (and challenges) that are different from what I offer. My intention is to practice valuing each unique offering ā both theirs and my own.
Why arenāt we taught at school how to simply be unapologetically who we are; to appreciate and value ourselves and each other for the unique gifts we all have to offer? To allow the human experience to unfold in all of its depth and beauty.
Does a rose compare itself to another rose and think, āI am more beautifulā? Each rose has its own beauty.
I remind myself to be aware of the compare. Comparing engages ego. Perhaps Iām more interested in engaging soul; and remembering to:
Have confidence in oneās own value in the world.
And I will leave you, my dear reader, with these beautiful words from the author, Laura Munson:
GIVING MYSELF PERMISSION
All along the way, Iāve made this pact to myself: I give myself permission to be exactly who I am in lifeā¦and on the page.Ā
I promise to know the woman that I am.Ā
And I promise to know the message that runs through everything I write.Ā
And with this unshakeable intention, Iāve found the industry people, mentors, and readers who are a match for my work.Ā
Thatās what writers are looking for: their match.Ā
Their emotional, intellectual, and, where applicable, spiritual match.
~
Thanks for the shout out, Camilla. I didnāt understand what you meant the other day with your comment on your note about āmore to comeā ā but now I get it :)
I really enjoyed the way you discussed and explored this idea of giving ourselves permission and ābeing aware of the compareā ā it was great.
It reminded me of that line (by who I canāt remember) that goes ā comparison is the thief of joy.
And I concur ā letās all find out match :)
Thanks Camilla.
Well said, Camilla!