Good morning beloved reader,
I cannot write about the topic of gathering without a shout out to Priya Parker’s brilliant book, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters. Priya is not yet on Substack, although I’m not giving up hope that she’ll come to see the beauty of this space and what it offers to writers and readers. But I am on her email list and I was struck by how she pointed out that after 2-3 years of a global pandemic, where we all lived in more isolated ways, people are now thinking in new and different ways about how best to gather.
How can we gather in conscious ways that are nourishing for you and for those around you? What might feel good this year?
Family gatherings in the past patriarchal era put the bulk of the responsibility and work on the women. But perhaps the pandemic has created a space that has driven home the fact that those old patriarchal ways are not working for everyone who is not a white male. And yes, by re-claiming the divine feminine we’re dreaming into being the new era of Conscious Balance.
Those old patriarchal ways of being in community included perfectionism, which so often leads to blame and projection — which are the most prominent reasons for the dissolution of communities. It’s so much easier to project one’s shadow onto someone else, rather than own one’s own “muck.”* Hence Ram Das asserting that when you catch yourself judging, criticizing, or condemning another person, own it for yourself too with, “And I am that too.”
“When you go out into the woods, and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You see why it is the way it is. You sort of understand that it didn’t get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don’t get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree.
The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying ‘You are too this, or I’m too this.’ That judgment mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are.”
― Ram Dass
I will now be practicing turning people into trees😁 and turning myself into a tree too🥰 (not always easy though!)
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Christianity is the largest religion in the world, practiced by 31% of the world’s nearly 8 billion people, and Islam is the 2nd largest, at 23%. And because these two dominant Abrahamic patriarchal religions are so binary in good vs. evil, with the belief that humans will be judged by God; in the past patriarchal era, it was too easy to feel righteous: that there was only ONE RIGHT WAY of doing things, and if you didn’t do it that way you were WRONG and maybe even EVIL or at least BAD.
In our new era of Conscious Balance there is a recognition that there are many paths to the top of the mountain, and the view from the top is the same. In our new era of Conscious Balance we are able to honor the spiritual principles and wisdom in all of the world’s religions, including and especially the indigenous faith traditions.
May we continue to dream into being our new era of Conscious Balance, where women have the courage to claim our own spirituality in the world, and men have the courage and the humility to listen to women, and to acknowledge and validate the female experience. And May we all remain connected with our own inner-divinity, inner-authority, and stand strong in our own sovereignty.
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Thanks for reading and I’d love to hear your stories about how you plan to gather this holiday season. What feels good? And how do you intend to make your gatherings nourishing for all? I’m looking forward to hearing how this writing landed in you and what may have brightened the connections between us as we gather here together in this online community. I’m so glad you’re here!
*(If you’re a new reader of this Substack, you may not yet know my passion and obsession for the metaphor of the Lotus flower growing because of its muck, not in spite of it.)
Camilla, thanks for this lovely post. When you mentioned perfectionism and projection, I thought sadly of my mother, who suffered from both. The holidays could be especially difficult, though she always made them magical and beautiful. At great cost to her, no doubt. I love Ram Dass’ turning people into trees. That’s perfect! Thank you.
“No mud, no flower” is one of my favorite images. 🌸
I love your question about how we can gather in conscious ways that are nourishing! So often I feel drained before, during, and after gatherings. Like it's something I have to get through rather than enjoy. But if I shift my focus to how it can be nourishing, that feels like a whole different thing. Thank you, Camilla!